Tag Archives: Brene’ Brown

How to Connect by Practicing Connecting

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As a follow up to my last blog, On Being Connected, something concrete is the next obvious step especially for those of us in the Mental Health Spectrum for whom connecting in everyday social engagements can oftentimes be difficult or awkward (or for anyone else who finds this challenging).

To set the stage, Brene’ Brown (whose writing resonates for me) in her book The Gifts of Imperfection, further defines connection as,”the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued;…” helps us to better understand the how to. When I feel seen and heard it changes how I feel on an emotional level pretty quickly (positively).

It all begins when we were younger and in school (or sometimes at home beforehand) when we learned how to read, write and do arithmetic by being taught then practicing, a constant daily task, and once we reached one level there was always a next level to work to through practicing. The fundamental building blocks.

If we got involved in other activities i.e. music, art, dance, athletics,…there was constant teaching (instructions), practicing and new levels to reach if we wanted (or our parents wanted us to). This form of practicing for the most part has shaped each of us in our personal ways and developed our character traits.

Now in order to connect we need to practice daily whether at the local coffee shop, grocery market, retail store or in our work and personal environments and relationships as well. It just doesn’t happen by itself, in the same way as those of us who have challenges on the Mental Health Spectrum can’t just take a pill (or a few) and be ok…it’s just not one dimensional.

Those of us on The Spectrum, oftentimes find online media i.e. Facebook, Twitter,… an easier and more comfortable way to connect and if we use this as our only means of connection we can potentially become isolated as noted author Daniel Goleman, in his book Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships states,”Even our most routine encounters act as regulators in the brain, priming our emotions, some desirable, others not. The more strongly connected we are with someone emotionally, the greater the mutual force.” Face-to-face for some portion is part of the equation.

That said it’s time for me to go out and mix it up….a little bit nervous but excited too. I learned to read, write and do arithmetic so this will probably work too!

On Being Connected

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In the Mental Health arena, and especially as one who is an “end user”, having people to go to (connections) when you’re not with mental health professionals, support groups or engaged in activities with others (when you’re by yourself) is a critical part of your self-care…in other words what do you do for the other 23 hours of the day?

Brene’ Brown, a renowned writer and research professor, in her book The Gifts Of Imperfection, defines connection in a way that really resonates for me, “…we are wired for connection. It’s in our biology. From the time we are born, we need connection to thrive emotionally, physically, spiritually and intellectually.”

For those of us with Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar, other Mood Disorders or anywhere on The Spectrum, having a connection who is/was in the same place is a vital link for us. Oftentimes our Mental challenges, that we’ve sometimes had for a number of years (either diagnosed or undiagnosed/medicated or not), gets in the way of us making these connections.

And quite honestly, it’s a pretty scary thought for us to find and seek out a group (typically peer-led) because we know how difficult it is to assemble our mental health professional team (psychiatrist, therapist, social worker,..) in the first place and especially if we’re looking to add/change some members of this team.

Be Connected provides peer-led support groups and is an opportunity for those not only with the challenges but for their support team (family &/or friends) to attend.